Many of you know I posted a few months back about my Crohn’s.  I wanted to update.  Unfortunately it has not gotten better.  I am still on Remicade, but it doesn’t seem to be working.  We are giving it some more time before we call it quits, but it doesn’t look good.

Had I written this blog a few days ago you would have read a completely different tone.  I would have talked about ending it all, but God has continued to give me grace through it.  It is a very up and down thing.  My emotions can be all over the place at times.  Sometimes I feel completely helpless and useless.  What good is a person that can’t step more than 20 feet from a bathroom?  Really, what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life confined to my home?  I guess I could start a home business, just kidding.  (really don’t email about your wonderful program that can generate thousands of dollars, I don’t want it.)  Other times I am upbeat and positive.

I have not been sleeping well either.  I have not slept for more than 3 hours at a time in 6 months.  Those of you who have children remember those early days of getting up all night.  It really takes a toll on you not getting long amounts of sleep.  I am usually up 8 to 10 times a night to go to the bathroom.  Some nights are better, but most are not.

We have begun trying some other things to help with my stomach, no gluten, no wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no soda… the list goes on.  We will see how that works.  At times I feel like the old TV show, The Incredible Hulk, with Bruce Banner walking down the street with his backpack in search of a cure to set him free from the evil monster within.  I think I can hear the music now…